Confessions of a 'failing' mum

Our family rules board.

Like most families we have rules, I even found the most gorgeous board stating those rules which hangs in our hallway.  However, like most families (I hope) those rules get broken a lot and not just by the kids, also by me...a lot by me, plus a bunch of other unofficial mummy rules.  So here are 6 confessions by me:

1. I swear.

'For f**ks sake', I say at least once a day.  Usually under my breath, sometimes MUCH louder when I'm alone, sometimes louder than I meant too when the kids are in ear shot.  'Awww, mummy you swore,' Jonah delights on tattling on me, to me, 'you broke a family rule.'  I breathe deeply, 'Yes sweetheart I know, I'm sorry.' Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Roll eyes. 'For f**ks sake' I say again but much, much quieter!

2. I shout. 

I want to be a patient, calming, zen, earth mother, I really do, but gosh darn it, I swear that sometimes the only way the kids hear me is if I am hollering instructions like a sergeant major.

To the eldest: 'Stop playing and go and get your teeth brushed please.'  Wills carries on playing, whether he heard me and ignored me or he was so engrossed he didn't hear me is unclear.  I try again, a little louder but still not annoyed, 'William, stop playing and go and brush your teeth.'  Still, no response, I'm getting irritated now, we're in the same bloomin' room there is no way that he did not hear me. 'WILLIAM,' he looks up 'GO AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH PLEASE' I yell but clearly yelling 'please' maintains the niceties, right? He huffs, 'Fine, I'm going' and then resumes his game, 'NOW!' , my patience has worn thin, we need to leave and all I want him to do is brush his bloody teeth. He stomps his way to the bathroom, muttering under his breath about how all I do is shout at him etc etc.  I swear, i would be a much nicer parent without the kids!

3. I use the electronic babysitters.

God bless Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol and Phineas and Ferb, otherwise I would have to coherent pre-coffee and pre-6am without them.  Thank goodness for tablets and the glorious apps that exist to entertain my children prior to me prying open my eyelids from dry sleep deprived eyes in the morning.  Thank you you wonderful you tubers who film yourselves opening Kinder eggs (and the like) and playing video games for allowing me to get a shower and dressed in the morning in 'relative' peace (as long as I don't take longer than 20 or so minutes).  What a marvellous invention video games are for giving mummy and daddy an hours worth of piece in the day without being nagged, jumped upon or driven insane.  When real life grand-parental babysitters are too busy to rescue you, thank goodness for the electronic ones!
Jonah living his best life, playing video games as we push him around Ikea.

4.  We eat beige food and cereal for tea.

Ahh chicken dippers.  Long live the 100% chicken breast chicken dippers.  On the most tired of days, after a long day at work, chicken dippers and their friends the turkey dinosaurs or fish fingers have been sanity savers. On REALLY bad, tired when even the kids are on the there last legs we might even have cereal for tea and yes that could even be Holy Grail of cereals for my kids Coco Pops.  We might even eat in front of the TV 😲

5. We play musical beds.

We all optimistically start in  our own beds, I am lame and will drift to bed at 9/10 pm, Lee follows at a much cooler hour (sometimes he will just fall asleep on the sofa watching TV).  Around 2 am there are footsteps, the creak of the door and a soft little voice 'mummy?' Lee will huff and puff and stagger to a different sleeping spot, Jonah's bed, the sofa or Wills' bed if he's on a sleepover, and Jonah will climb in with me steal the good pillow and mess about with the duvet, simultaneously taking up so. much. space.  FYI don't feel too sorry for Lee, when it was Wills pulling a similar trick several years ago, I would be the one staggering out of bed to Wills' room and sleeping on the floor next to him to get him back to sleep (Wills never bothered getting out of bed, he just continuously shouted until someone responded!)  In my own self punishing way I kind of like my snuggles with my baby.  I like hearing his snores and smelling his head when he's sleeping (I'm creepy like that).  I know it won't last forever, Wills grew out of it so Jonah will soon...right?  Guys?  Right?!

I don't hate waking up to this face.

6. I lie. 

The biggy.  The worst one.  'Be Honest' the family rules board declares.  'Tell the truth' I tell the kids.  'Mummy and daddy are more mad when you lie than the thing you're lying to cover.' we often repeat to the boys.  And yet...
'Of course mummy and daddy won't go and see Star Wars without you.' 
'I have no idea what happened to rest of your chocolate sweetheart, you must have finished it all off yesterday.'
'We can't go to Legoland Windsor today darling, it closes down when it's raining a lot like this'
'Sorry guys, the shop was all out of ice cream.'
'I'll think about it.'

Well, we're not all perfect are we?!

D x


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