Too school for cool

Dear 11 year old me

You are not cool.  I don't think that this is news to you.  You are in your first year of high school and you have realised that you are definitely not one of the 'cool' kids.  You don't wear make up, you are not interested in boys and you don't like any of the music that the 'cooler' kids like.  You, with your love of Disney, science, the cheesiest of pop music and reading, you, with your drive to be the best in class and craving for academic praise,, are in fact a bit of a swot, a geek and a nerd.  Spoilers: This will never change, you will never be cool and you will always be bit of swot and a geek and a nerd.  And, you know what?  THAT'S OKAY.

This is not a picture of someone destined to be cool!

A bit of a warning, there's going to be some bumpy years ahead.  There will be times where you feel like a loner.  You will always have friends, but for a while you will suppress your passions, the things that you really truly love in order to fit in.  You'll still love them, but you won't feel comfortable shouting from the rooftops about them, or have many (if any) people to talk to about them.  There will be times when you feel lonely, even when you are surrounded by people. 
Sorry, this sounds depressing, I promise the rest of your teenagedom won't be miserable, you will have TONS of happy times.  You'll learn loads of new things, and develop new interests in television, films and music thanks to the gloriously interesting people you will surround yourself with.  You will have some genuinely heartburstingly funny times but you still would not have found 'your' people...yet. 

Don't worry, your people are coming.  Your people, who you can fully release your inner self with, your people who you can play Disney and musical soundtracks in the car with and sing along at the top of your lungs, your people who will go to opening night showings of the live action 'Beauty and the Beast' with you (and be just as excited and cry in all the same bits), your people who will love Christmas and all the cheesiness that accompanies it, people who buy tickets for the 5IVE and STEPS reunion concerts and know all the dance moves along with you, these people are in your future.  You will have an extended community of people, who won't know your name, but will reflect your passions online and will have thousands, sometimes millions of people 'following' them (this won't make sense in 1996, but wait, it will one media - it's going to be HUGE).  These people, yours and the online variety, won't make you any cooler, but they will help you to be proud of who you are.  They will give you the confidence to wear your 'uncoolness' with pride.  This pride and confidence will have you standing in front of the most judgiest of all crowds every single day (teenagers), teaching your love of science and regularly declaring your passion for comic books, Disney, pop music, musicals and the like and maybe, just maybe you will show them that being a geek, a nerd and a bit of a swot is nothing to be ashamed of.

So, you may currently and always be 'too school for cool' (thanks P!NK for the awesome lyric), but those cool people are not better than you, and you're not better than them either.  You are all just different, and thank god for that.  Besides, you may not be cool but will be something so much more important, you will be happy.

Christmas Eve, rocking a a jumper with sequined Christmas trees on, mickey mouse pyjama bottoms and drinking prosecco from a plastic wine glass.  Cool?  NO.  Happy?  Absolutely.

Be kind to yourself.
Love you,
33 year old you xx

D x


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